Here's What You Don't Do at Taco Bell Drive Thru
Americans love fast food.If anything could make fast food better, it would be making fast food faster. That's why someone invented the drive thru. They were probably thinking - how can we get these bad food eating slobs in and out faster, take their money, and watch them run home to a toilet? Then someone thought about having chicks on roller skates run the food to the car. Then someone outdid that, cut jobs, and made people drive up to the window, trade money and food through the window, and the transaction was done in like two minutes.
Well that sure wasn't the case tonight when I stopped at the Feasterville, PA Taco Bell. My wife and I pull into the parking lot. I scope it out and it seems empty. The drive thru looks like there's maybe one car in line ordering. Then I turned the corner and realized how wrong I was. There was four cars in line. I normally always run inside and get my food faster than anyone in drive thru. But tonight, I was trapped. FOUR CARS in line and NO ONE inside. Then someone pulled up behind me and we were truly trapped. A hungry guy, a sleepy wife, and a passed out one-year-old in the back. Any sudden move, such as a pre-Taco Bell fart could set up a barrage of hangry, cranky, and cranky. I wasn't up for all that.
I thought to myself, please let the four cars in front of me order one Chalupa and get out of here. That wasn't the case either. Then the window talks to me. A girl's voice, as if she's all excited to see me, "Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order" and all I wanted was two chicken tacos, but there was literally no escape. I couldn't back up. I couldn't pull out of the lane because it was a midget version of a drive thru that barely fit an entire car, and there was literally no way out. "Hi, I'll have two chicken tacos, and make it supreme since we have the time" and they said OK, rambled some price, and then another voice came on. This was a man who told me to pull up to the second window, not realizing I can't pull anywhere. If there was ever a time to pull out, then this was it.
The girl in front of us put the car in park and began doing her makeup in the mirror. She looked like she was hitting the club on a Monday. Either that or she's a stripper. Probably getting a few tacos so she can fart on people when they're not expecting it. Sounds like a fun night, but I'd rather have my tacos served another way, such as through this darn drive thru window if we ever get there.
15 minutes later. Car in park. Still trapped. The car up front must have ordered every last ounce of food in the establishment. This person must've been too big to get out of their car or it's their turn to buy everyone at the narcotics anonymous meeting dinner. It's 8:30 p.m. on a Monday, did a new Halo game come out or something? What reason do we need this many tacos this late on a Monday? I know, I know. Why would we ever need a reason for something so delicious? I caught myself as I wrote that.
My point is this - if you order THAT much food, then you need to order it inside where you can sit down for five minutes as they prepare it. Ordering massive amounts of food at the drive thru is like taking 100 items through the ten items or less aisle. It's an absolute jerk thing to do. It's an entitled welfare This person ordered it in the drive thru, thus making the drive thru the slowest form of fast food you could find.
Then it began. The person at the window handed, what appeared to be, a bag that reminded me of a contractor trash bag. It was massive and filled with food. I'm sure it was enough to feed a herd of elephants or everyone working at a small carnival, but I don't care.At this point I'm just happy this person who ordered for like 75 people is getting out of our way.
Then a voice comes on the speaker again. You know, because I literally have not moved since I ordered. "Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order" and I said "you already have it. I'm still here" and I heard them chuckle as the mic cut off or they covered it.
The next three cars were a prime example of how a drive thru is supposed to work. They pulled up, money was ready, food was ready, a quick exchange, and they rolled out. I pulled up, got my food, they got money, and we were done.
Now 20+ minutes later I'm trying to decide if I'm still hungry. I darn near ate my thumbs while waiting and my hanger passed. My thoughts alone could've gotten me arrested as I waited there filled with a rage I didn't know I ever could have. It was probably my body gassing up for what would be a hot night in the bathroom. Taco Bell is the kind of food that makes you shower after you squat. It's that bad you need to wash your ass on the way out, but it's so delicious on the way in.
Anyone who makes big orders in drive thru is a horrible person and I don't advise anyone to ever do that. Just stop being lazy, get out of the car, and go inside.
I checked Yelp for reviews of this Taco Bell and people have literally had the same problem for YEARS at this location.
This review on Yelp is from 2014. There's many more like it. Maybe they should fix their drive thru service.
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